so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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