Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
