dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Welp...herpes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Watching her eat just hurts me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
