dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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