So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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