just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
