What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
