Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wear drunk well.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
