You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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