ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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