i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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