the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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