Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
