she woke up with a sticky ear
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
