Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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