we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
