I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
