why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
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I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
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I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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