My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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