I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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