uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm passing your future prison.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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