i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
