i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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