Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
