I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
