Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
