I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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