He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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