You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
