I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
