I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.