coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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