I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
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Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.