once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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