okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
