Sacagawea was the original milf.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Randomize
