you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
