ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
