My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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