They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
