if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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