Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
