I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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