It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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