I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
