i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
