i jhust puked up my retainher.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i will never coherently bang her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
