So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
