Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
