dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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