girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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