He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
