so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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