I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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