just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
