And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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