I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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