If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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