I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
