he wants to bone in the snuggie
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
