Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
