My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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