i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
