I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
