Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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