The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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