I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
