She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
