Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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