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anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm just crazy horny about you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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