It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
