I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize