just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i came on her dog
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
