Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
