just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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