so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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