how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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