1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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