I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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